Just as everyday my day began normally...I woke up happy, went to take a shit...And while I was shitting I was enjoying the moment and started singing as it was smooth u see...I was singing "Riders on the storm by The Doors"...
And then this weird thought struck my mind...
"Maybe famous singers wrote one or two of their songs while they were taking a dump"
After all the process, I came to my computer,ran through my Winamp playlist and found out that some songs do sound like they were inspired by shitting...
1) ACDC - You shook me all night long
She was a fast machine
She kept his motor clean
She was the best damn woman I had ever seen
Cause the walls start shaking
The earth was quaking
My mind was aching
And we were making it and you
Now after readin all that... MAYBE it was just a piece of shit :P
2) Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm no good
I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you I was trouble
You know that I'm no good
????
I think she wrote this from the shit's point of view after some purging
3)Audioslave - Like a stone
In your house I long to be
room by room patiently
I'll wait for you there
Like a stone
I'll wait for you there
Alone
Chris Cornell reached his house and saw some poop at the doorstep... and then came this song... Its a worldwide hit by the way :P
4)Bob Marley - Get up Stand up
Get up stand up, stand up for your rights,
Get up stand up, don't give up the fight...
Bob wanted to shit, couldn't find a toilet... he wanted to fight for his right to shit wherever he wanted... while waiting the shit became hard... it was another fight... so, yea...
5)Chamillionaire ft Krayzie Bone - Ridin Dirty
This song ain't nothin bout bein no gangsta...These niggas were ridin around in their hummer, One of em pooped in the pants... they chose to continue drivin and wrote a song out of it
6) Snoop Dogg - Drop it like its hot... The title explains everything... ekekekekz
7) James Brown - I feel good... same story... James had a smooth mornin dats all... Haaaaeeeeeey!~
8) Nirvana - Come as you are
Come as you are,as you were,as I want you to be
as a friend,as an old enemy, take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours
Kurt was high on coke and went trippin on the shit dat was comin out again! :)))
9) Michael Jackson - Blood on the dancefloor
Now MJ went to the club a week after he was diagnosed of chronic Piles...did some dancin and ended up bleedin... The Piles specialist's name was Suzy. Nuff said
10) Will Smith - Just the two of us
Even the coolest dude in TV experienced the smoothest shittin one day, looked at his masterpiece and wrote a song about it... "Daddy loves you... Daddy loves you..."
11) Staind - Outside
a very emotional deep song about one piece of Aaron Lewis' shit singing to another piece that got stuck in the ass... This one made me tear... really
These are the 10 songs that I caught so far. I also realized that all death metal songs were written by very angry people with fucked up bowel movement.
More enlightening posts will be arriving in near future to entertain y'all... until then,
Yours truly ;)
Friday, October 17, 2008
Faith
I got this in a forwarded email... An interesting justification on the existence of god... I know some of you so called atheist motherfuckers wont appreciate this... It doesn't matter...
For those who have read this before... Instead of acting cool and going "aaah I've read this one before", just shut de fuck up and close this window...
So here's the story
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof:
So you believe in God?
Student:
Absolutely, sir.
Prof:
Is God good?
Student:
Sure.
Prof:
Is God all-powerful?
Student:
Yes..
Prof:
My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill.
But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Prof:
You can't answer, can you?
Let's start again, young fella.
Is God good?
Student:
Yes.
Prof:
Is Satan good?
Student:
No.
Prof:
Where does Satan come from?
Student:
From....God. ..
Prof:
That's right.
Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student:
Yes.
Prof:
Evil is everywhere, isn't it?
And God did make everything, Correct?
Student:
Yes.
Prof:
So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)
Prof:
Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student:
Yes, sir.
Prof:
So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)
Prof:
Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.
Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student:
No, sir.
Prof:
Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student:
No, sir.
Prof:
Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God?
Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student:
No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof:
Yet you still believe in Him?
Student:
Yes.
Prof:
According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your 'GOD' doesn't exist.
What do you say to that, son?
Student:
Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof:
Yes, Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student:
Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof:
Yes.
Student:
And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof:
Yes.
Student:
No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student:
Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat..
But we don't have anything called cold.
We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't
go any further after that.
There is no such thing as cold.
Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat.
We cannot measure cold.
Heat is energy.
Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student:
What about darkness, Professor?
Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof:
Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student :
You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the absence of something.
You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....
But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't.
If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof:
So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student:
Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof:
Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student:
Sir, you are working on the premise of duality.
You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God.
You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, science can't even explain a thought..
It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor.
Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof:
If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student:
Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student:
Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)
Student:
Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student:
Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the established rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Prof:
I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student:
That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH.
That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
Now the email said that the student was a former president of India who is all smart n shit. I feel that this email was actually written with a racist purpose to show that Indians are smart yada yada bla bla go fuck yourselves.
What matters is the idea behind it and not who said it
Peace Out
For those who have read this before... Instead of acting cool and going "aaah I've read this one before", just shut de fuck up and close this window...
So here's the story
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof:
So you believe in God?
Student:
Absolutely, sir.
Prof:
Is God good?
Student:
Sure.
Prof:
Is God all-powerful?
Student:
Yes..
Prof:
My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill.
But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Prof:
You can't answer, can you?
Let's start again, young fella.
Is God good?
Student:
Yes.
Prof:
Is Satan good?
Student:
No.
Prof:
Where does Satan come from?
Student:
From....God. ..
Prof:
That's right.
Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student:
Yes.
Prof:
Evil is everywhere, isn't it?
And God did make everything, Correct?
Student:
Yes.
Prof:
So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)
Prof:
Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student:
Yes, sir.
Prof:
So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)
Prof:
Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.
Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student:
No, sir.
Prof:
Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student:
No, sir.
Prof:
Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God?
Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student:
No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof:
Yet you still believe in Him?
Student:
Yes.
Prof:
According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your 'GOD' doesn't exist.
What do you say to that, son?
Student:
Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof:
Yes, Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student:
Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof:
Yes.
Student:
And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof:
Yes.
Student:
No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student:
Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat..
But we don't have anything called cold.
We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't
go any further after that.
There is no such thing as cold.
Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat.
We cannot measure cold.
Heat is energy.
Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student:
What about darkness, Professor?
Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof:
Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student :
You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the absence of something.
You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....
But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't.
If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof:
So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student:
Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof:
Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student:
Sir, you are working on the premise of duality.
You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God.
You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, science can't even explain a thought..
It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor.
Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof:
If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student:
Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student:
Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)
Student:
Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student:
Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the established rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Prof:
I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student:
That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH.
That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
Now the email said that the student was a former president of India who is all smart n shit. I feel that this email was actually written with a racist purpose to show that Indians are smart yada yada bla bla go fuck yourselves.
What matters is the idea behind it and not who said it
Peace Out
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The Untold tales of a High-end Nanny
We are all aware of the proverb which said that “curiosity killed the cat”. If the cat had a name, it will most probably be Natasha Mohd Hishamudin.
Natasha, 32, has always wanted to do something different in life. She was the editor of CLEO Malaysia before she got bored of her profession and decided to be a lecturer. After few years of being a Mass Communication lecturer, she decided to get married and to follow her husband to the United States with hopes to do something different.
The only thing she had in mind after settling down in Minnesota with her husband was setting up a design studio. Being someone who studied art, she always wanted to have her own design studio; until she saw a local newspaper advertisement of someone who was looking for a nanny. Being the thrill-seeker she is, she got curious and decided to become a nanny over her planned design studio.
As she was pondering over her decision, she began to wonder if she made a mistake. After having a conversation with Mandy, the person who needed a nanny for her son, Natasha even told Mandy that she is not a nanny material. It was too late because Mandy really liked Natasha and really wanted her to meet the baby before making the final decision. The meeting went smoothly as expected and marked the beginning of a new chapter in Natasha’s life; the nanny. The first day being a nanny was quite interesting according to Natasha. “I personally hated kids and I never carried a newborn at all! And there I was, sitting cluelessly with a baby and no idea on what to do.”
As days passed by, Natasha and the baby Carson slowly got connected to each other. From a person who once hated children, Natasha realized how amazing babies can be.” Being a person from the communication industry, I was amazed with the way babies communicate with others”. However, the baby managed to achieve what no clients and students managed to do to her. Carson made her so frustrated that she couldn’t do anything else but just cry. Only then she realized how tough it is to raise a baby. She had to change herself into a morning person and go through foul stench of dirty diapers few times a day. Just when she thought she had seen everything, she changed her mind after going through what she did.
When asked about the most unforgettable experience she went through with Carson, she admitted that she went through something that she had never experienced before as a lecturer or even an editor; cleaning up dirty room right after the child passed his motion. “I was so frustrated it got me crying for hours” she said. She also told that she regretted her decision at that time. “I was an editor and I am not supposed to be doing all this!”
However, as Carson grew up, he got so close to Natasha he even calls her “mommy” often. Natasha and her husband had to come back to Malaysia due to family issues. This trapped her in a situation where she had no choice but to leave Carson. “It was a devastating moment for me”. Natasha and Carson still keep in touch as Carson’s parents would call Natasha every now and then. They talk to each other through the phone quite often. When asked on how she could cope up with the stress and pressure she went through as a nanny, she just smiled and went “without my husband, I have no idea if I would’ve survived”.
Natasha, 32, has always wanted to do something different in life. She was the editor of CLEO Malaysia before she got bored of her profession and decided to be a lecturer. After few years of being a Mass Communication lecturer, she decided to get married and to follow her husband to the United States with hopes to do something different.
The only thing she had in mind after settling down in Minnesota with her husband was setting up a design studio. Being someone who studied art, she always wanted to have her own design studio; until she saw a local newspaper advertisement of someone who was looking for a nanny. Being the thrill-seeker she is, she got curious and decided to become a nanny over her planned design studio.
As she was pondering over her decision, she began to wonder if she made a mistake. After having a conversation with Mandy, the person who needed a nanny for her son, Natasha even told Mandy that she is not a nanny material. It was too late because Mandy really liked Natasha and really wanted her to meet the baby before making the final decision. The meeting went smoothly as expected and marked the beginning of a new chapter in Natasha’s life; the nanny. The first day being a nanny was quite interesting according to Natasha. “I personally hated kids and I never carried a newborn at all! And there I was, sitting cluelessly with a baby and no idea on what to do.”
As days passed by, Natasha and the baby Carson slowly got connected to each other. From a person who once hated children, Natasha realized how amazing babies can be.” Being a person from the communication industry, I was amazed with the way babies communicate with others”. However, the baby managed to achieve what no clients and students managed to do to her. Carson made her so frustrated that she couldn’t do anything else but just cry. Only then she realized how tough it is to raise a baby. She had to change herself into a morning person and go through foul stench of dirty diapers few times a day. Just when she thought she had seen everything, she changed her mind after going through what she did.
When asked about the most unforgettable experience she went through with Carson, she admitted that she went through something that she had never experienced before as a lecturer or even an editor; cleaning up dirty room right after the child passed his motion. “I was so frustrated it got me crying for hours” she said. She also told that she regretted her decision at that time. “I was an editor and I am not supposed to be doing all this!”
However, as Carson grew up, he got so close to Natasha he even calls her “mommy” often. Natasha and her husband had to come back to Malaysia due to family issues. This trapped her in a situation where she had no choice but to leave Carson. “It was a devastating moment for me”. Natasha and Carson still keep in touch as Carson’s parents would call Natasha every now and then. They talk to each other through the phone quite often. When asked on how she could cope up with the stress and pressure she went through as a nanny, she just smiled and went “without my husband, I have no idea if I would’ve survived”.
The Death Penalty
We are all well aware of the existence of the death penalty in the whole world as well as our country. Generally, what most people understand about the death penalty in
However, many people do not know what the people around the convict go through because of the death sentence. Therefore, this article aims to provide an insight about the impact that is faced by friends and the family of a death penalty convict. This story will evolve around the family of a death row inmate, Sultan, a friend of mine who was charged for drug trafficking in October 2007. After the case got postponed twice, Sultan has been charged to be executed in March 2009.
To the eyes of the world, it might be just another case of a drug trafficker who has been sentenced to death due to the crime that he committed. After the case, the judge, the lawyers, the jury and the witnesses will most probably move on with their daily lives. However, when we see things from the eyes of the convict’s family and friends, things are totally different. How is it possible for the parents to calmly accept the fact that their son is going to be executed?
In this case, the family and friends are also indirectly being punished together with Sultan for the crime he committed. Firstly, the family has to accept the fact that he is sentenced to death and move on in life. If it is hard for me who only knew the convict for few years, it is unimaginable what the parents and siblings have to go through. Since October 2007, many traumatizing things have happened. The whole family went through a state of depression. Sultan’s father, who was always a jovial and stress-free man went through an emotional breakdown after Sultan got arrested. Sultan was always his favourite son. who never had any serious medical record suffered from a heart attack in January 2008. In March, he passed away after getting another heart attack.
Sultan’s family had no choice but to go through more pressure. Before they could handle one issue, they had to bear with the death of the father. As they were moving on slowly, another factor that made things harder in life for them was unfortunately the society. People labeled the family as “the drug dealer’s family”. Even immediate neighbors started avoiding themselves from them.These people are not the only ones who are going through this life. Many families of convicts out there are going through the same thing. It is sad that the society doesn’t understand that it is unfair to marginalize a group of people for what a single person did.
Monday, October 6, 2008
A piece of my mind
[ Please read this while listening to the fountain soundtrack available in the music player here ]
The human mind works in amazing ways...
Those who understood their minds and their capabilities used it as the perfect tool to express themselves...
Some made movies to express themselves...
Some made music...
Some wrote... Some talked... Some sang...
Some ventured into politics...
Some went bullshitting around ...
Some moved along the spiritual sideline...
Some walked the extra mile, aiming to make others believe in what they did...
Some succeeded, many failed...
Some are still trying...
Those who succeeded were the ones who led... many felt happy just following...
Great Ideologies, Great philosophies, Great beliefs, Great people...
Many of them are long gone... leaving their legacies behind...
Hoping to change the world into a better place...
By looking at things now...It is obvious that the only thing that seems certain is the end
So here I am... standing, looking at these portraits of those who made a difference before...
trying to make them my source of inspiration...
Not to be a hero... but just to have the strength to move on in this filthy, corrupted world we're living in...
Who knows? I might be able to make a difference... because at this point of time... I am amazed with the way my mind is working ...
It is funny that how this whole piece was inspired by a 5 minutes song... which actually has not even one word in it
"Clint Mansell - The Last Man"
The human mind works in amazing ways...
Those who understood their minds and their capabilities used it as the perfect tool to express themselves...
Some made movies to express themselves...
Some made music...
Some wrote... Some talked... Some sang...
Some ventured into politics...
Some went bullshitting around ...
Some moved along the spiritual sideline...
Some walked the extra mile, aiming to make others believe in what they did...
Some succeeded, many failed...
Some are still trying...
Those who succeeded were the ones who led... many felt happy just following...
Great Ideologies, Great philosophies, Great beliefs, Great people...
Many of them are long gone... leaving their legacies behind...
Hoping to change the world into a better place...
By looking at things now...It is obvious that the only thing that seems certain is the end
So here I am... standing, looking at these portraits of those who made a difference before...
trying to make them my source of inspiration...
Not to be a hero... but just to have the strength to move on in this filthy, corrupted world we're living in...
Who knows? I might be able to make a difference... because at this point of time... I am amazed with the way my mind is working ...
It is funny that how this whole piece was inspired by a 5 minutes song... which actually has not even one word in it
"Clint Mansell - The Last Man"
Karam Singh Walia
An Interesting coverage by the famous Karam Singh Walia
"Satu kajian menunjukkan kaum wanita lebih gagah daripada
Lelaki kerana mampu membawa dua buah gunung, kaum lelaki hanya
Mampu membawa dua biji telur, itupun dengan bantuan seekor
burung.....!!!!."
AKHIR KATA,
JINAK-JINAK BURUNG MERPATI,
JINAK LAGI BURUNG SENDIRI,
BURUNG MERPATI DIDEKAT LARI,
BURUNG SENDIRI DIPEGANG BERDIRI...
Tetapi kegagahan & kecerdikan kaum lelaki membawa telur
kemana-mana dengan tidak memacahkannya adalah memang satu keajaiban.. renungkanlahhh nasib kaum lelaki...
Nasib orang lelaki...
Mandi lambat, bini marah,
Bangun lambat, bini marah,
Balik lambat, bini marah,
Pancut lambat aje bini suka!!!
Issue 2 - Question to Karam Singh Walia.. [ Why did the chicken cross the road? ]
Walaupun berbagai bagai jenis jejantas dan kemudahan awam telah disediakan, pihak ayam masih lagi berdegil untuk menggunakan jalan yang merbahaya. Apabila pihak TV3 pergi ke ibu pejabat pihak ayam tersebut, mereka tidak memberi kerjasama untuk menjelaskan perbuatan mereka... Gejala merbahaya seperti melintas jalan tak tentu pasal bukan sahaja boleh membahayakan pihak ayam,malah pengguna jalanraya yang lain... akhir kata ,
Ayam di Jalan Mati dilanggar,
Ayam di reban Mati tak Makan....
Sekian,
Karam Singh Walia Melaporkan Untuk Buletin Utama, TV3...
Falsafah Kentut
. ORANG YANG TIDAK JUJUR
Orang yang kalau kentut, selalu menyalahkan
orang lain
2 . ORANG BANGANG
Orang yang menahan kentutnya berjam jam
3 . ORANG YANG BERWAWASAN JAUH
Orang yang tahu bila dia hendak kentut
4 . ORANG SENGSARA
Orang yang nak kentut tapi tak boleh kentut
5 . ORANG YANG MISTERI
Orang yang kalau kentut, orang lain takkan
tahu
6 . ORANG YANG GUGUP
Orang yang tetiba tahan kentutnya bila tiba
masa
untuk kentut
7 . ORANG YANG PERCAYA PADA DIRI
SENDIRI Orang yang selalu menganggap
kentutnya berbau harum
8 . ORANG YANG SADIS
Orang yang kentut di katil, terus mengibaskan
kentutnya pada katil orang
lain
9 . ORANG YANG PEMALU
Orang yang kalau kentut selalunya tak
berbunyi
tapi selalu merasa malu
sendiri
10. ORANG YANG STRATEGIK
Orang yang sering menyembunyikan kentutnya
dengan ketawa terbahak-bahak
agar tidak didengari oleh orang lain
11. ORANG YANG BODOH
Orang yang dah kentut, kemudian menarik
nafas
untuk menggantikan agin
yang keluar
12. ORANG YANG PELIK
Orang yang kalau terkentut, mengeluarkannya
sediki-sedikit sampai bunyi
"tit - tit - tittttt"
13. ORANG YANG SOMBONG
Orang yang kalau kentut selalu berasa bangga
dengan kentutnya
14. ORANG YANG PERAMAH
Orang yang sering mencium kentut orang lain
15. ORANG YANG TIDAK SUKA BERGAUL
Orang yang selalu kentut bersembunyi
16. ORANG YANG AKUATIK
Orang yang selalu kentut dalam air sampai
berbunyi "blekutuk - blekutuk
- bloop -bloop -bloopp"
17. ORANG YANG ATHLIT
Orang yang kalau kentut, sering mengeluarkan
tenaga dalaman
18. ORANG YANG JUJUR
Orang yang sering mengaku apabila terkentut
19. ORANG YANG PINTAR
Orang yang boleh menilai bau kentut
seseorang
20. ORANG YANG ROMANTIK
Orang yang sering memuji-muji kentut
pasangannya tu merdu dan wangi...
21. ORANG YANG PENGENTUT
Orang yang sedang membaca rahsia kentut ini
................ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
ahhhhhhhhhhh
dari sini, didapati bahawa kentut tiada kaitan
dengan seks..
It's all about the Money
Back in high school, we learnt...
"What do we need in order to live?"
The teacher said... "Oxygen & water, children..."
I asked my teacher... "Ok, Miss, We need oxygen & Water to live... at the moment I do not have any money in my wallet and I am very hungry...Yes, There's plenty of oxygen and water around... If I do not eat any food, I will die...OK, there's water... I can keep drinking water... but later, I will get gastritis and still die... so how sure are you that Oxygen & water is more important than money?? and how come money is not mentioned as a necessity to live???
The whole class laughed, the teacher asked me to get out of the class... so much for asking the stupid bitch a thought provoking question...
You're born, you need things... you need money for milk, nappies and all the other shyt...
You grow up, wait... there is no such thing as growing up without money... you'll starve to death... You need education... education is not free... You need to buy education... If there's no money, you'll eventually grow up to be a dumbfuck and end up stealing or raping someone, get caught by cops or shot to death... moral of the story? you die...
OK la, lets say if you have enough money for education... you fill your brains with information on a daily basis... you get stressed the fuck out... you want to entertain yourself... there ain't entertainment without money... you get depressed... you think... "Maybe I should find a girlfriend... she might understand my feelings..." and you love someone... even to express your own fucking feelings, you need money... you need money to make her feel special, you need money to take her out, you need money to at least talk to her, you need money to go see her, you need money to take her out...
To eat, to drink, to shit, to piss, to fuck, to learn, to entertain yourself, to entertain others,to travel, to make sure your dead mom & dad find a place in the graveyard, to make babies. . . . .
Water...electricity...communication...sewage...transportation...entertainment,food,accomodation,law,order,justice,education and the list goes on and on and on and on... to experience em,
You only need one thing homie...
God said let there be light and there was light,
God said let there be peace and there was peace,
Man said let there be this thing called money and there was poverty,starvation,agony,frustration,sorrow,death,discrimination and god knows what else... oh yea...
this blog post... :)
Now that there are some Indian holy festivals going on everywhere... Fuckers have gone the extra mile and decided to make money in the name of God... Great!
Economy made easy
Economic Systems Explained by using Cows.
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, so you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
MALAYSIAN BUMIPUTRAISM: You have two cows, the State takes one and gives it to your bumiputra neighbour. From the milk you sell from the remaining cow you buy a bull and mulitply your herd. The State take 30per cent of your herd as it grows and give them to your bumiputra neigbour. Your bumiputra neighbour has a kenduri each time they receive a cow.
UMNOPUTRAISM : The State takes 30 per cent of your herd and parks them in Switzerland in the name of some UMNO official or close relatives,friends and sons-in-law. (for those who don't know, UMNO is the ruling Malay party in Malaysia ).
MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT LINKED OR BUMIPUTRA CORPORATION : You have two cows. You employ mainly bumiputras to milk them. But both cows have been sent to the kenduri, so the State gives you more cows and write off the losses of the first two. After several kenduris later, you invite an American or German Corporation to turnaround the losses. The Japanese have however already taken their two original cows back home to Japan .
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.Later, you hire a
consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows because you're sobering up and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINA CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell
them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy... .
IRISH CORPORATION: You have two cows...or is it three? What matters? Aren't you well off to have even one?
The more I meet my people, the more I love dogs
The more I meet Indians, The more I Like dogs... wanna know why?
lets look at my people from various angles...
The Crab
I dont know where to begin actually, there are so many things... but since I have to begin somewhere...I'm gonna start off with the famous "Indian Crab" philosophy. Most of y'all will know the story... but I'm a tell it once again for those who dont. There was this big ass basket with lotsa Indian crabs inside waiting to be boiled and cooked. They all wanted to get out. When one crab climbed, another crab pulled it down. They all kept pulling each other down and didnt let their "kaingge" climb and eventually ended up in seafood restaurants. In simple words... "Dia pun tada naik, orang lain pun dia tada kasi naik...India maa".
General Facts
This is true actually. An Indian can never ever be happy with the fact that another Indian is doing well. For example... When an Indian sees another Indian driving a big car or living in a big house...THE FIRST THING that will come out of his mouth will be... "Must be some illegal business la as usual..." and just for fucks they'll create a cock rumour saying that he has 4 wives and he has been to jail few times. Source of information? "The aunty at the corner house there..." yes... they're more reliable than CNN.
The Aunties
Ok...talking bout them aunties... They're only good for few things : Bitching,watching SunTV,bitching,cooking,bitching,driving to Giant/Tesco and bitching.There will be an aunty community in every single housing "taman"... Each taman will have their own "Indian Aunties Network" with an opinion leader and followers. Other indian women in the taman MUST have a good diplomatic relationship with the members of the network or will be labelled as a "Perempuan Sundal" and there will be a rumour saying that they're sleeping with their husbands' brother. I've seen it happening... FEW TIMES... Unbelievable? believe it.
The Kids
ONLY DURING kindergarten & primary school, an Indian behaves like a human being... everyone loves each other,there will be no fight, everything will be normal...but the moment my people step into high school, life becomes more interesting... If there's 1000 people in a school, there will be 600 malay students, 300 chinese students and only 100 Indians... out of that 100 indians, 20 will be coming to school only twice a week,there'll be 5 different gangs that dont like each other, the non gang members will fight over few girls in the school next to theirs, 10 will commit suicide due to love failure, 5 will die in motorbike accidents,some will stop schooling, some will run away from home, some will end up in pusat serenti... and a vast number of around 2 students will do well in their SPM. Those 3 will be labelled as "Faggots/geeks". Superb... and then they will grow up to be youths...Yeah... Indian Youths... The most fucked up thing in Malaysia today.
The Youths
The Indian youths... Primary interests : drinking,fighting,humping,making their parents' lives miserable, and make everyone look at them and go "iii...india". Indian youths think that drinking,fighting and hitting them clubs are the coolest fucking things to do.They're black, They only speak english at home, they watch only Star world and MTV at home...How are they not gonna be confused if they're Indians or Negroes??????????????????? Every para punde thinks that he's tupac. Every tevedia thinks that she's Beyonce... they go to clubs during ladies night, drink for free, get some dude to send them back home...and as a sign of appreciation, they spread their legs. As for the dudes, all they do is drink and pick ONLY AN INDIAN to fight with. They're afraid that chinese dudes will have guns, they're afraid that Malay homies belong to PEKIDA... pukima keling bodo will somehow find another idiot who thinks with his balls after few shots of liquor and start fighting. My Advice : Please get a gun and start shooting each other please... the faster y'all die, the better it is for others.
Oh...and then there's the "ex-girlfriend" fights. Only Indians do not understand what the term "ex" stands for. They think that once they're a couple, they're always a couple. Just to start humping, they'll get together...and after few months, they'll break up because they'll be humping someone else...and our great Indian Ex boyfriends can never accept the fact that someone else's humping their ex girlfriends. Ex girlfriend la keling keling bodo... EX!EX!EX! EX means Tutup Kedai la aduuiii... After discussing this issue with fellow comrade, I've realized that this issue only occurs in the Keling community... bangsa lain rilek je aku tengok... Why? Why?Why?
Concluding Statement
As a conclusion...All I can say is... INSAFLAH Wahai Keling Keling...We're already black & hairy, we're the minority, we contribute more towards the crime rate rather than the country's economy, all we care about is SunTV and Yogi B Natchatra... Please stop thinking with your genitals and start thinking with your brains...At least learn from dogs bout dignity and unity please.
p/s : Forgive me God... Please
Goths
General Info
Goths are interested in various things. They include death, faking suicides/pregnancies, eating bats and babies, teabagging people, gathering to dance badly and laugh at "mundanes", and pillaging public places as well as doing nothing all day, being an ass, and of course wearing stupid outfits.
History
This group of creatures were among the loosely-termed Germanic peoples who disturbed the Roman Empire until its fall, and who inhabited most of the Iberian Peninsula. During the Muslim Conquest of Iberia, when much of the Peninsula came under Islamic rule by 718, the Goths began to settle other lands by a process known as globalisation.When they migrated around the world they were met with great displeasure and they soon formed small, isolated pockets of social groups that interact on a wide-scale basis mainly via internet message boards (known as blogs and internet "journals"). They often worship false gods such as celebrity pre-school teachers Dani Filth and Marilyn Manson.
Interests
Goths seem to subsist on mold and bacterial infections around piercings. The typical female of the species can consume amounts of food equivalent to her own body weight daily, while the male eats less than an average human male child. This accounts for the scrawny appearance of the average goth male and the morbidly bloated look of the average female (but this is "average": some goth women are as thin as the males.)
Feeding Habits
Contrary to popular belief, goths do not drink human blood - only vampires do that. Goths can't be vampires because they don't have fangs. Although many goths have been known to construct fake fangs made entirely out of clay, they seldom work for piercing the skin of humans. Most goths will ignore this and keep pretending to be vampires, but everybody knows that they're not. Their cry can be heard whenever anyone points out that they're just losers with black clothes. Unfortunately, Some idiots actually believe them, and just seem to add to the stupidity.
Habitat
Best conditions are found in a dark room with an internet connection, listening to Evanescence, My Chemical Romance or other upbeat music and a steady supply of eyeliner and purple, red or black hair dye. If you are lucky, you may spot a goth at your local cemetery distributing roses and taking posing on the tombstones of people they don't even know. Often goths are found in their parents' houses, making shitty poetry.
Gothic Chicks
70% are lesbians ; the remaining 30% are bisexual .100% are horny bitches who will sell their bodies for cocaine, heroine, meth, or other miscellaneous drugs. Many goth chicks are obsessed with photography and being photographed and will willingly remove clothing and strip naked in the presence of anyone appearing to take pictures with an expensive camera. For some reason, this is "modelling" and not pornography.Fat Goth chicks are very common because since they are fat they want someone to give them attention, because they know they cant get any. Fat goths make up 45% of the total goth chick population and are most often posers. Many goth chicks also make false claims about them being lesbians; this is also known to get them attention.
Malaysian Goths
Spoilt Kids who live in bungalows with 2 air-conds in their rooms,laptops,own car,a kick ass PC,ipod,PS2,friends,food and all the money they want. They choose to be all "emo" and "gothic" and hate life because their daddies scolded them few times for skipping college or tuition classes.
Nuff Said...
Nothing But Sore Losers who wear black just for fucks ... Haak Pthui!
Betina Zaman Sekarang (Re-posted)
Prostitutes provide sex for money...We call em so many things, label em as "cheap" etc etc...
Wut do you call bitches who fuck around for free?? bitches who can be taken down after few shots of liquor? when asked, this is what they said...
"who wants to get commited? lets enjoy life while we can"
ya ka... I wanted to ask 2 more questions... but if i asked, they would've commited suicide... so... fuck it ;P these are the 2 questions :
1) as i mentioned above... if prostitutes who demand for money themselves are labelled as cheap... wut do you call yourselves??
2) Imagine... n tell me... how nice it would've been if your momma was fuckin around as well... will take you 2 days to find out whos your daddy wont it?? ;)))
God.. Please make sure that all these hoes get infected with STD's As soon as possible.. it doesnt matter if i go to hell... I want em to suffer... peace...
OK... this was an old post... after posting this an angry bitch came up to me and told me that it was actually my mom, a woman who breastfed me and raised me... and that it was wrong for me to say all this...
The life cycle of an Indian (Re-posted)
An Indian Baby is Born...
Everyone's Happy...
They find a name for the baby... Name has to sound as westernized as possible
Name has to sound funny and musn't have any significance (Blame Numerology). This is to make sure that the baby grows up to be a nice human being it seems.
My Question : Wut about the criminals and serial rapists? Are they Nameless? They have nice names as well u know...
Aight... Name is given, Baby is now a small boy
Rule no.1 at home - Mother tongue = English
Rule no.2 - Motherland = United Kingdom
Rule no.3 - NEVER EVER mix around with other Indians
Rule no.4 - NEVER EVER watch astro vaanavil or SunTV
Rule no.5 - South Indian Music = Paraya Music / Hindi songs = The best
Child goes to school, somehow struggles and finishes SPM
It is a mortal sin for an Indian kid to even think of doing a course besides Medicine, Law and engineering for tertiary education.
He Can ONLY choose to study Medicine,Law or Engineering... lately the community has added Pharmacy to the list. If the child chooses to do some other course, family & community shall go all out against the idea. It doesnt matter if the child only has b5 or C for Biology. Russia/Ukraine/Indonesia are always available.Once child comes back a doctor, mum & Dad go to photo studio, take picture n post in "Tamil Nesan", organize a family seafood session and go brag to the whole world that "my son doctor! my son doctor! my son! my son!". Mummy will attend every single event/fuction out there just to see her friends and tell them that her son's a doctor and also that her friends' sons suck.
Son is 20+. Party age. Deepavali,Thaipusam,Tamil New Year and other festivals yang sewaktu dengannya has to be celebrated only in clubs. If boy is unlucky, he'll crash his car when he's drunk one day and die. If He's lucky, he'll move on to the next stage.
Son needs to get married. As usual, the girl has to come from the same profession, drive a big ass car, live in a big ass house, and most importantly, belong to equally stuck up stupid parents.
Boy gets married. Girl will try her best to dig as much gold as possible and poke some fire between the boy and his parents.That dumbfuk will go "my wife's the best, you old folks suck" and later send them to a fine nursing home. After 30,40 years, parents get old and die.
Boy gets kids... those kids go through the same thing daddy went through. Kindergarten at the age of 3? the fuck? let the boy run around home, break some glasses n play guli for god's sake.
The boy is now an uncle. As usual, he'll be condemning his own race to his kids.(no point blaming him maa, he was brought up that way).
Uncle retires... Sits in living room, reads newspaper article on a case involving an Indian dude n goes
"Damn these indian fellas..."
I still don't understand one thing... When they go to temple, do they pray in English???
* I dunno if this post makes sense... i was bored... so, yea... Tolerate the shyt la k? Peace
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Chronicles of the Green Fairy
This story is about a friend whom I met, The Green Fairy
Now my chronicles of the Green Fairy began when I met her back in 2005. My friends introduced me to her after college one day. I didn't really like her in the beginning because she made me feel rather uncomfortable. She was in a bad mood I guess. I didn't wanna meet her for quite some time after that. However, the thought that she was a refugee never bothered me at all. As I moved on in life I met a lot of people who knew her very well. Throughout this period of time I was very close to these 3 guys, Jack, Jim and Johnnie.
As I was hanging out with them, The fairy slowly made her way into the picture. Somehow she was everywhere I went. She knew so many of my friends. And they were all so happy with her being around. All these while I never bothered talking to her. This time, I told myself "Fuck it, lets go say hi to her". I initiated a conversation. To my surprise this time...I was actually talking to her for few hours... I have to say that she is actually a very beautiful person both inside and outside. She made me feel comfortable, she made me feel relaxed, she inspired me, in all, she made me happy.
I wanted that feeling everyday... I wanted to see her everyday. I did get to meet her.
When it was a good day, I told myself "Lets meet her tonight and amplify this feeling"
When it was a bad day, I told myself "I need to see her and get rid of this feeling"
Eventually, The fairy was the only thing I was looking forward to seeing...everyday.
We became the best friends in the world. She would join me and my friends and we will be having the time of our lives every night. Sometimes she would be so far away. Nobody hesitated to go the extra mile to go see her.
On the other side there are still few people who are going around saying that she's up to no good, and that she is gonna get all of us in trouble. The justification they gave is that she is a refugee and we will be busted for having her around.
What I would like to say about this is that everyone is entitled to have their own opinion. We are not gonna fuck our lives up because of the fairy. We know its risky having her around. We're not addicted to her... we just love the feeling we get when she's around
Now that she's gone far away... All we can do is keep our fingers crossed and hope that she'll be back soon... to put a smile on all our faces
Coz nigga we need to get high as SHYIT~
Jah RastafarI
;)
Now my chronicles of the Green Fairy began when I met her back in 2005. My friends introduced me to her after college one day. I didn't really like her in the beginning because she made me feel rather uncomfortable. She was in a bad mood I guess. I didn't wanna meet her for quite some time after that. However, the thought that she was a refugee never bothered me at all. As I moved on in life I met a lot of people who knew her very well. Throughout this period of time I was very close to these 3 guys, Jack, Jim and Johnnie.
As I was hanging out with them, The fairy slowly made her way into the picture. Somehow she was everywhere I went. She knew so many of my friends. And they were all so happy with her being around. All these while I never bothered talking to her. This time, I told myself "Fuck it, lets go say hi to her". I initiated a conversation. To my surprise this time...I was actually talking to her for few hours... I have to say that she is actually a very beautiful person both inside and outside. She made me feel comfortable, she made me feel relaxed, she inspired me, in all, she made me happy.
I wanted that feeling everyday... I wanted to see her everyday. I did get to meet her.
When it was a good day, I told myself "Lets meet her tonight and amplify this feeling"
When it was a bad day, I told myself "I need to see her and get rid of this feeling"
Eventually, The fairy was the only thing I was looking forward to seeing...everyday.
We became the best friends in the world. She would join me and my friends and we will be having the time of our lives every night. Sometimes she would be so far away. Nobody hesitated to go the extra mile to go see her.
On the other side there are still few people who are going around saying that she's up to no good, and that she is gonna get all of us in trouble. The justification they gave is that she is a refugee and we will be busted for having her around.
What I would like to say about this is that everyone is entitled to have their own opinion. We are not gonna fuck our lives up because of the fairy. We know its risky having her around. We're not addicted to her... we just love the feeling we get when she's around
Now that she's gone far away... All we can do is keep our fingers crossed and hope that she'll be back soon... to put a smile on all our faces
Coz nigga we need to get high as SHYIT~
Jah RastafarI
;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)