Monday, December 28, 2009

FAT is the word




So how does it feel to be fat?

I am bloody sure none of you out there would want to answer that question... Why? You will find out in a couple of minutes... Now go on reading...

It all began back in 1995, when I was 9 years old... when I came to realize the pleasure of eating and sleeping after school. Before that, life was all good as running around was not an issue at all. I could run just as fast as other kids, climb trees, jump into drains and climb back up in no time and continue running again.

However... I was putting on around 10kgs a year... growing from a normal kid who nobody noticed into the kid who was called "giant" by the time I was 11 years old. Life was still okay at this time, as my friends were all, well... 11 years old and nobody said anything nasty as they were just genuine kids who were around me for who I was. The adults saw me as "budak sihat, comel, montel, bulat, eee geram, nak cubit, gemok gedempol tendang masuk gol". Being a kid... I didn't see shit coming.

By the time I was 12, running was not in the picture anymore... leave aside climbing trees. The only sports event teachers wanted me to take part in was "Sukaneka" (You know, walking while holding a spoon in your mouth with a ping pong ball on it). Eventually I was hunted down for Tarik Tali.

To be honest, it didn't bother me at all until I noticed one thing: People loved to remind me that I am fat whenever I made a mistake. And...and they somehow made it (they still do it) sound like the reason for me to make mistakes was because I was fat!

For instance:

I miss the school bus one day... My uncle goes "Yea la, take 20 minutes to move from here to the bus stop means how not to miss the bus? "HAHAHAHAHA", the whole family laughed

I screw up my exams... My dad goes "How to do well? Are you doing your homework? *before I could answer*, "Noooooo... I know! All you care about is what to eat at home when you get back! Nah *dush!*"

I answer my aunt who asked me what my ambition was... and she went "Oh! Can ah? All you know is how to eat what!? Not bad not bad... Hahahahaha, everyone laughed...

The above was just part of growing up...

Among the names that people have called me include "Thadiya", "Gunda", "Bob", "Giant", "Overweight", "Guns", "Gemuk","Buncit","Boroi", "10 tonne lori", "Bas Kilang","Bulldozer", "Bagur","Thombu (Oil Drum)","Defender","Chubby","Jiggly Tits", "Elephant Power", "Yerume Maadu", "Panni" and many many more...

I became the benchmark for the most fucked up of things... For instance? Among the things I hear every now and then...

"Aiyo macha... I saw a girl... as big as Gokul dei!"

"Fucker... that fella ate more than you!"

"Eh, if you can fit in, of course I can"

People think twice to sit next to me in the KTM, in the cinema, and many places with limited space... People laugh extra loud when I fall down... People laugh and go "Are you serious?" when I tell them that I was actually playing hockey for my school...

And trust me... these are only the few things that popped up my mind for now. Obviously, it is myself whom I blame for being obese. Why can't I be fat? I just love to eat... Its my fucking mouth, my fucking money, my fucking stomache... So what If I'm gonna die early? Who the fuck are y'all to decide how an ideal human being should look like? At least us fat ones have got the balls to be ourselves... yup... the fatsos!

Remember... ask yourselves this question the next time you are amused or shocked by the existence of an extremely obese person near you...

"So what if he/she is fat?"
"Is he eating my food?"
"Is he eating from my money?"

You laugh more when a fat lady falls down, you stare cock at a fat man who sits in front of you in the train, you make jokes about fat people, you call fat people "pigs", you think you are better just because you are smaller... why? Y'all have no idea how it feels to be slapped by an obese person do you?

AND IN THE MIDDLE OF AAAAAALLLL THIS. . .

There's this bunch of people... about 50,60 kilos... whining about how they look fat, how they can't fit in their jeans anymore, how their nose looks round, how they feel fat, uuh aah... I'm fat I'm fat I'm fat... I put on 2 kilos, My red bikini doesn't fit me anymore. OMG OMG OMG...

*Bangs head on keyboard*


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Thursday, December 3, 2009

Pondans and Newspapers



Are you someone who can't live without reading the newspaper?


Lol... Read this, you'll stop wasting a dollar everyday


A local newspaper reports:


"Transvestite may face action if he returns" (edited by Swami Ji)

A Malaysian transsexual, who married a 30-year-old man in Britain, MAY face action when he comes back IF he has been found to have violated immigration laws.

Some Malaysian Immigration Department big-shot said they could not take action against the pondan as long as he remained in Britain but would investigate the case if he was deported home.

However, he declined to speculate if an offence had actually been committed... (???)

Britain’s Immigration big-shot was reported as saying that the pondan had entered Britain as a visitor and the rules clearly stated that a visitor must leave the UK within six months but may reapply for a new visa from their country of origin. (The only paragraph that made sense in the whole story... and it was exctracted from a newspaper in London... lol)

The Malaysian immigration big-shot, however, said that the department could only act if there was a violation of Immigration laws and anything other than that was out of its jurisdiction. (cantek)

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Has he returned? Nope

Has he violated any Malaysian Immigration laws? No Idea

When can we know if he has violated Malaysian Immigration laws? When he comes back

Is he coming back? No Idea

So when is the right time for the Malaysian Immigration to say something?? When he comes back

But why are they barking now? Journalists ask


Case Closed :)

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Chill... Its not over yet... There are other follow-up stories and articles in other publications as well!

These are what I saw so far... and what I feel...

A story on how the pondan is worried about his safety after getting negative reaction from Malaysians over his marriage.

(Err... yea whatever)

A story on the pondan's family pleading him to come home, how much they love him and how they have forgiven him.

(*Banging head on keyboard* jkfhsdjfhsfjsdjfh)

An article on how the pondan has the right to be happy, how she is facing a rough patch as she is facing deportation back to Malaysia...

(OH! So now its a SHE! Aawwwww... *This was a lifestyle story by the way* lol)

A story on how pondans are whining about the heavy load of paperwork involved in changing their gender.

(Is there ANY Malaysian government related procedure that requires filling up only 1,2 sheets of paper?)

A story on an MP in Kulim saying that our pondan should not fear coming back home

(Masuuuuuuuk!!! :P)

An article explaining that the pondan will only face action under the Syariah law should he return and re-register his marriage here

( Kadavule. . .)

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The million dollar question:

What in the blue fucking hell is happening to newspapers????

The million dollar answer:

They've been hiring :P