Monday, June 29, 2009

Karangan UPSR Terbaek di Dunia!








Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.

Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.

Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit “Adoi!”. Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.

Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting

Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.

Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit “Adoi..!” dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.

Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Running out of stories?

Referring to an article in Malay Mail front page last week which went:

"AirAsia taken to task over NFL deal"

While local sports bodies beg for money, airline sponsors American football team

CHARITY, they say, begins at home. This, apparently does not apply to Malaysia's low budget carrier AirAsia. While its support for local sports has been largely in the form of discounted flights, the carrier is about to splash out millions in cash to an American football team in a major deal to be announced tomorrow.

Baffling is why AirAsia is even pursuing this deal - it doesn't even fly to the US and yet, is doling out cash for a sport with hardly a following in Malaysia.

Equally puzzling is how the no frills airline, which had its early success from strong Malaysian support to see a local airline make a global name, can afford to splash extravagant amounts when it owes Malaysia Airports Holdings Bhd (MAHB) RM65 million in airport tax.

AirAsia even admitted that it was withholding the payment unless MAHB lowered the airport charges!

Malay Mail, Thursday, June 25th, 2009 08:32:00

___________________________________________________________________________________

Swami Ji says:

Hmmmm, lets see...

Fair enough, an issue indeed...

but lets look at it from a businessman's point of view... If you are an entrepreneur and you are to invest millions in an advertising deal (you also need to settle hutang with MAHB), where will you pump in your money? In NFL, which has an enormous turnover? or will you choose to put your money on one of our extraordinarily talented local football clubs?

I mean, I'll leave the judging to you people... y'all compare the quality of local sports and international sports, put yourselves in AirAsia's place, and think about it...

OK lah, fuck it... If you feel that it is still wrong for AirAsia to do this as it is unfair towards local sports, and they deserve to be "slammed", I understand...

BUT

We have to be fair rite...If you are to question AirAsia's action, what about Proton which was sponsoring Norwich City? EPL Might be a massive hit in Malaysia compared to the NFL but bare in mind, the EPL doesn't contribute shit to our economy... and not like Air Asia didn't support FAM at all, the same news article above mentioned that they did give certain amount of financial support. Just like Proton lah... How come Proton didn't make it to the newspapers? Are they that bloody succesful?

I mean, why waste time questioning a private company when a government company itself wanna pancing in the UK?

In all,

Bila logo Proton keluar kat EPL, semua orang bangga... bila Air Asia punya logo keluar kat NFL, bengang la pulak... Macam mana ni?


Ini pro local sports ka Anti America? :P


p/s: I still love you Jon! muaks... lol


Monday, June 15, 2009

Indians = Morons... Really... Major league Morons
















What you see above, is a picture taken from this forwarded email that has been terrorizing the tech-savvy Indian community lately, titled Muar Kali. Its about this Kali temple in Muar which practices sacrificing goats (offerings in the name of being grateful to goddess Kali). Point of the matter? They offer goats. How do they do it? They chop-off the goat's head in the middle of the temple, and those who are under a state of trance have fun with the blood and the headless goat...In the name of God and religious beliefs... Its brutal la basically...

If you're wondering why they do it, what religion has to do with such practice, and all that, you're not gonna find your answers here as I humbly admit that I am no religious expert.

BUT...

What I'm pissed-off about is... the amount of angry, nasty, negative remarks this email received. And they were all from Indians! Hundreds of em! all saying things like this is Barbarism, primitive, stupid, god didn't ask to do this, yada yada bla bla (u know how enthusiastic and passionate Indians will become when they have something to complain about don't ya? :P)

What I'm saying is... idiots... Tutup satu mata, jalan la... Just ignore this...Did anyone ask for your pathetic two-cents about this practice? They were minding their own business, bathing in blood, biting some goats, praying, doing whatever they wanted to, not bothering or disturbing any one of you urbanized half-boiled idiots who think that y'all know everything.

What do y'all do? snap pictures, send it around, laugh at your own people, ask others to laugh at your people, and be happy that everyone is laughing at this... Did it EVER strike your minds, that at the end of the day, they are Indians as well? they're our people as well? If you yourselves laugh at all this, you think others are gonna give a shit? Bare in mind, different people have different beliefs, different faith... Who the fuck are y'all to question and criticize whatever they're practicing? God paid you a visit and told you what is the right thing to do and what is not?? Fuck you

And it will be you same idiots who will be creating one hell of a scene if the temple gets demolished... Why the hypocrisy? right or wrong, they are not harming anyone are they? Unless you're a goat welfare activist...

Where is the sense of unity?????? Stupid bastards... learn to tolerate, give and take and live together among yourselves first... after that we can go demanding for other rights... Regardless of right or wrong... We need to be together in order to achieve something... You laugh at your own people, and call yourself an Indian??

Imagine... if the government decides to demolish this temple... turns back and asks you this... "You're own people are against this idea... Why can't we demolish this temple? you want evidence that people are against this? all they have to do is just show the emails and blog posts you geniuses posted. They will just run it down in the name of doing what the RAKYAT wants... who will you blame if that happens??????

All y'all are good at is to talk cock and act like y'all know everything...


To every single one of you who said nasty things about this Muar Kali practice... Don't call yourselves Indians... y'all are best described by the word SNAKES :P


Don't be angry at me now... think about it...

Friday, June 12, 2009

Just for laughs














Excellent stuff that will make your day... Have fun :)


Yes. Yes it is. Please stop yelling.

~ Sparta on Leonidas



This place freaking scares me, like shitting bricks kind of scare.

~ God on SPARTAAAAAA!!!.



Actually, it's 20 miles south of here and behind a Wal-Mart on 21st street.

~ A smartass on where Sparta is located.


Sparta is in Greece.

~ Captain Obvious on Sparta



THIS IS SPARTA, YOU SMARTASS! WE ARE ALREADY BEHIND THE WAL-MART! NOW BACK TO WHAT I DO BEST, KICKING PEOPLE INTO PITS OF DOOM!!!!!!

~ King Leonidas on kicking that smartass into his portable pit of doom!!!



This is SPARTAAAAAA!!!

~ Leonidas on the Haters



This is PERSIAAAAAA!!!

~ Xerxes on Leonidas



NO, THIS IS PATRICKKKKKK!!!

~ Patrick Star on Leonidas and Xerxes



Patrick thats the name of the coutries in 300.

~ Spongebob Squarepants on Patrick Star



FISH PASTEEEEEE!!!

~ Patrick Star on his mistake



Source: Uncyclopedia.com

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Sky is the Limit!




I opened the newspaper today, and saw this...

The sky’s the limit for Malacca’s Mat Rempit

MALACCA: The state has issued a challenge to youth nationwide especially Mat Rempit to take to the skies in a micro-light aircraft.

To make good the challenge, the state via Tabung Yayasan Melaka, is offering RM6,000 loans to those interested in obtaining their micro-light aircraft pilot licence here with the 4B Youth Movement flying club based in Sungai Rambai, Jasin.

“I hope the Mat Rempit will take up the offer and learn how to fly an aircraft instead of racing illegally on the roads and getting themselves killed,” Chief Minister Datuk Seri Mohd Ali Rustam said when opening the Malacca Air Carnival yesterday.

Bare in mind:

That they are offering micro-light aircraft flying courses to bloody mangga pundes who didn't even get thru PMR. Leave SPM alone. I would also like to remind y'all that I am not against the Rempits. It is this BRILLIANT idea that I am interested in criticizing.

OK Lah... Fair enough...

Lets say if the Mat Rempits show good response to this programme, what's next?

At the moment only buildings are collapsing here and there. Thanks to this programme, we will have planes crashing in the middle of KL, and maybe we can see an increase in flight hijack cases. Why? You don't know how the human mind works after some dosage of "Performance enhancers" do you? Haa... Apa itu performance enhancer? pegi interview Mat rempit... India Melayu Cina semua pun ada guna.

Swami Ji says:

Of all the things in the world... Flying course???? Are these dumbfucks over-qualified to be normal labourers? Basically this is the story... You go to school for the sake of going, passing exams is optional aight? Just become a Mat Rempit and terrorize the neighborhood for awhile, establish your portfolio by collecting winnings and recognition, go to federal government and say that you are interested in taking up the flying course. Voila!~ You're a pilot!!!

Why wanna suffer, work hard, score, waste money, energy, etc etc... at the end of the day, its useless...

Kasi halau itu Indon sama Bangla balik, kasi ini Rempit kerja sapu jalan ka, kontrak ka, cuci jamban ka apa la... Naik motor sapu la...lagi chun... they can even have "Laju, Bersih, Best!" as their tag-line and inspire other upcoming Rempit champions.

If useless, stupid assholes like the Mat Rempits can get an opportunity to be pilots. . .

WHAT THE FUCK ARE QUALIFIED, PASSIONATE, ENTHUSIASTIC, JOBLESS PEOPLE OUT THERE GONNA DO????

apa lagi? join geng Rempit la... kerja suda guarantee ma? ;)