Life. . . lol

I might be young, but I think I've seen enough to talk on what all drunk Indian uncles love to talk about... "Life"

Ok the beginning is simple... For the first four years of your life you won't know what the fuck happened. This chapter will hold all the stories of where you pooped, who you bit, where you fell down and how you went missing in the shopping malls. You will live to hear this chapter from your aunts and uncles until you're like maybe 30 years old. Why 30? coz after that your aunts and uncles would've been gone.

The next chapter is when you're a kid. Filled with cartoons, toys, games, gifts, love,trips to the beach, birthday parties and of course some smacking from your daddy here and there. This is the phase every single human being would want to go back to. Unless you got buttfucked by your relatives lah... Let's not go there. So, yea... Undeniably the best phase in everyone's lives.

Then you're introduced to this place they call "School". You get to meet other kids for the first time. You learn about this thing called "Friendship". Classmates exchanging food during recess, kids of all races mingling together without knowing what the fuck race is, playing football together, playing Konda Kondi, taking the school bus together, going for class trips together, you name it... Primary school was paradise indeed.

Next, you go to this place called "High School". This is where the downfall begins. This is where every single boy wants to be a gangster. This is where kids get exposed to their opposite sex. This is also the phase where kids start exploring their sexuality. The first kiss, the first make-out, the first fuck, the first break-up, the first cigarette, first bottle of beer, first sleepover, first gangfight, first sneak-out, first grounding at home, first "fuck" from your dad's mouth, first time you go "I HATE YOU DAD!",First CD with a song that says "Fuck You", First piercing, In all... The period that y'all succesfully remind your parents that y'all are a fucking dissapointment! Many survive and go to college, Some go to drug rehabilitation centres, some go to jail, some go to work.

College... Fuck this shit there's nothing good to talk about college life...

Assignments.Movies.Clubs.Fucking around.Drug abuse.Blogs.CGPA.Kiasu-ism.Shisha.Dropouts.Good-for-nothing-helpless-top-students. NUFF SAID


And then you go to work. You think you're smart until you get the first screwing from your boss. You wear formal clothes and walk around thinking you're in total control of your life. This is when work becomes your life. The phase where you wake up everyday anticipating "I wonder what the fuck is going to go wrong today". You start the "Happy Hour" culture. You buy a Vios. You get introduced to Loans and bills. You wake up thinking about work. You go to lunch and talk about work. You go home and do some pending work. You sleep thinking about work. Even if you have an opportunity to go out and release some stress, NOPE... You will stay at home, watch some crappy TV show and go to sleep.

I mean, you're fucking in your 20s... Fucking spend like an hour or two at night at the mamak, kena 1,2 baluts, kena some beer, chill da fuck out... sleep happy la for god's sake. In this case, I have to give it up to the working guys because they never fail to give priority to fun when it's necessary. To guys, its simple... work is work... thanni is thanni... But there are still some whining panty wearing faggots who go "aiyo no la.. tired la... stress la... have to get up early la...got work la..."

The idea of partying might sound stupid... but think about it... If you don't have fun now? when the fuck are you gonna do it? after you retire? Fuck You... You'll be dead by the time you're 50. Ok let's say you live up to 80 years old... you're gonna go to Ministry of Sound when you're 65? Remember... life is a one way trip... Once you pass a phase, you pass it...

Dear women, why waste your money and damage your health by smoking in the name of killing stress? Save that money... Have a margarita somewhere before you go home, if possible, have a quickie before you sleep and call it a day with a smile! Trust me... No matter how tired you are, if your mind is in peace when you end your day and when you wake up... You will surely think "Ok lets see the day has to offer me" instead of "Aiyo kadavule I dunno what's gonna go wrong today"...

They didn't say "Mind over matter" for fucks did they? ;)

Ok the next phase is when you get married. Working pundes nowadays have too much money and too much ego in them. Which is why tolerating, negotiating and the giving and taking never takes place. "Hu Ha Hu Ha Divorce!". I mean, before getting married you should know whether you can live with a person shouldn't you!? Look at your parents and grandparents... Most of them never met their spouses until they got married... How did they do it? ask them la... Oh yeah! dont forget to drink a glass of their pisses too... maybe it will help y'all learn a bit.

Ok... If you happen to move on, you will be happy and make babies. After that be prepared to live for your kids and family. yeah... ONLY them. At this point of time, It's all about commitments and only commitments.You show unconditional love towards your kids, do anything you can to make them happy, give them whatever they ask, provide them with the best you can afford... ... ... ...

Just to watch them showing their middle fingers at you and go "You suck, you old bastard" when they're 17... Sad eh? Now don't tell me you never hated your dad when you were a teen. . . hehe


And then you retire, you go for holidays here and there, fall sick and die


I will soon find out what happens after death and write a post on that... Stay tuned... :)))


p/s: The only problem with life is that it lacks background theme music

Jah Rastafari