Life. . . lol

I might be young, but I think I've seen enough to talk on what all drunk Indian uncles love to talk about... "Life"

Ok the beginning is simple... For the first four years of your life you won't know what the fuck happened. This chapter will hold all the stories of where you pooped, who you bit, where you fell down and how you went missing in the shopping malls. You will live to hear this chapter from your aunts and uncles until you're like maybe 30 years old. Why 30? coz after that your aunts and uncles would've been gone.

The next chapter is when you're a kid. Filled with cartoons, toys, games, gifts, love,trips to the beach, birthday parties and of course some smacking from your daddy here and there. This is the phase every single human being would want to go back to. Unless you got buttfucked by your relatives lah... Let's not go there. So, yea... Undeniably the best phase in everyone's lives.

Then you're introduced to this place they call "School". You get to meet other kids for the first time. You learn about this thing called "Friendship". Classmates exchanging food during recess, kids of all races mingling together without knowing what the fuck race is, playing football together, playing Konda Kondi, taking the school bus together, going for class trips together, you name it... Primary school was paradise indeed.

Next, you go to this place called "High School". This is where the downfall begins. This is where every single boy wants to be a gangster. This is where kids get exposed to their opposite sex. This is also the phase where kids start exploring their sexuality. The first kiss, the first make-out, the first fuck, the first break-up, the first cigarette, first bottle of beer, first sleepover, first gangfight, first sneak-out, first grounding at home, first "fuck" from your dad's mouth, first time you go "I HATE YOU DAD!",First CD with a song that says "Fuck You", First piercing, In all... The period that y'all succesfully remind your parents that y'all are a fucking dissapointment! Many survive and go to college, Some go to drug rehabilitation centres, some go to jail, some go to work.

College... Fuck this shit there's nothing good to talk about college life...

Assignments.Movies.Clubs.Fucking around.Drug abuse.Blogs.CGPA.Kiasu-ism.Shisha.Dropouts.Good-for-nothing-helpless-top-students. NUFF SAID


And then you go to work. You think you're smart until you get the first screwing from your boss. You wear formal clothes and walk around thinking you're in total control of your life. This is when work becomes your life. The phase where you wake up everyday anticipating "I wonder what the fuck is going to go wrong today". You start the "Happy Hour" culture. You buy a Vios. You get introduced to Loans and bills. You wake up thinking about work. You go to lunch and talk about work. You go home and do some pending work. You sleep thinking about work. Even if you have an opportunity to go out and release some stress, NOPE... You will stay at home, watch some crappy TV show and go to sleep.

I mean, you're fucking in your 20s... Fucking spend like an hour or two at night at the mamak, kena 1,2 baluts, kena some beer, chill da fuck out... sleep happy la for god's sake. In this case, I have to give it up to the working guys because they never fail to give priority to fun when it's necessary. To guys, its simple... work is work... thanni is thanni... But there are still some whining panty wearing faggots who go "aiyo no la.. tired la... stress la... have to get up early la...got work la..."

The idea of partying might sound stupid... but think about it... If you don't have fun now? when the fuck are you gonna do it? after you retire? Fuck You... You'll be dead by the time you're 50. Ok let's say you live up to 80 years old... you're gonna go to Ministry of Sound when you're 65? Remember... life is a one way trip... Once you pass a phase, you pass it...

Dear women, why waste your money and damage your health by smoking in the name of killing stress? Save that money... Have a margarita somewhere before you go home, if possible, have a quickie before you sleep and call it a day with a smile! Trust me... No matter how tired you are, if your mind is in peace when you end your day and when you wake up... You will surely think "Ok lets see the day has to offer me" instead of "Aiyo kadavule I dunno what's gonna go wrong today"...

They didn't say "Mind over matter" for fucks did they? ;)

Ok the next phase is when you get married. Working pundes nowadays have too much money and too much ego in them. Which is why tolerating, negotiating and the giving and taking never takes place. "Hu Ha Hu Ha Divorce!". I mean, before getting married you should know whether you can live with a person shouldn't you!? Look at your parents and grandparents... Most of them never met their spouses until they got married... How did they do it? ask them la... Oh yeah! dont forget to drink a glass of their pisses too... maybe it will help y'all learn a bit.

Ok... If you happen to move on, you will be happy and make babies. After that be prepared to live for your kids and family. yeah... ONLY them. At this point of time, It's all about commitments and only commitments.You show unconditional love towards your kids, do anything you can to make them happy, give them whatever they ask, provide them with the best you can afford... ... ... ...

Just to watch them showing their middle fingers at you and go "You suck, you old bastard" when they're 17... Sad eh? Now don't tell me you never hated your dad when you were a teen. . . hehe


And then you retire, you go for holidays here and there, fall sick and die


I will soon find out what happens after death and write a post on that... Stay tuned... :)))


p/s: The only problem with life is that it lacks background theme music

Jah Rastafari

This is why I say Indians are Major League Morons

I got a forwarded email with the above picture. The subject was "Dasavatharam Style Kavadi in Batu Caves".

If it was forwarded by a non-Indian, I would've kept quiet... But coming from an Indian... was sad... to see other Indians laughing at it... was fucking irritating.

For your information, this is really a type of Kavadi. It's called "Aatta Kavadi".

Dasavatharam style Kavadi?? What the fuck?

Another Kavadi related issue that was quite panas lately was the Manchester United and Liverpool Kavadis in Penang...

I am very sure that the morons who did it were one of those "I don't know why people carry kavadis but it looks kinda cool... so I'm a do it! " fellows.

From a festival where people appreciated Indian culture... Thaipusam has now become a festival for the whole world to fucking laugh at us...

Makkals Oh Makkals

Y'all don't know shit about your own culture... Y'all wont even bother getting to know it... Y'all even laugh at your own people... With all this... Y'all wan't the government to give y'all equal rights?

For what? to freely practice your religion?

Fucking learn about your own culture first lah before going out on another street demonstration...

And then the Fight Started...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flippingchannels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'And then the fight started....

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goesfrom 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.

'I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I takeher someplace expensive...

so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in mypockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hairon your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,

and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'Yes, I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

My wife said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

" Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

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My wife is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Well! Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

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My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.

I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday and then the fight started.....

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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noisecame from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap,That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumpedout the window.

He smashed himself on the ground, ran througha thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroomand screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!

'The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made mylunch, walked the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to backout a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a differentanticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe mystupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started ....

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And then the fight started....

----------- - --------- --------- ---

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionairewhile we were in bed.

I turned to her and said,

"Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered

I then said, "Is that your final answer?

"She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started.

Most Irritating Car Award 2009

Dengan ini...After spending a long time observing all the madness on Malaysian roads, I hereby present the "Most irritating pukima anak haram Driver kereta Cibai" Award to. . . .


. . .*Drum roll*. . .


The Toyota Vios!


Now the story behind this is. . .

Random good for nothing Dingdongs go to college...

They then graduate and find a job... earn like probably 2500

They then realize that they need a car to travel...to work, to see clients etc

They then do research on the best car they can get...

They find out that the Toyota Vios is one of the most economical car they can get...

(Yes, It is indeed a good car...I'm not kutuk-ing the car ladies & Gentlemen)

So with their Fucked up driving skills, they decide to go for it and buy a Vios

Now that they have a Vios...They put their marvellous driving skills to practice

They drive as fast as they can

They tailgate anything and everything that moves

And do what it takes to win this award...


IRRITATE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF OTHER DRIVERS


If you don't believe me, Observe... I am sure you can find like 100 Vios in an hour in the Klang Valley... Out of these 100, see how many pundes can drive properly

Oh... You own a Vios? You got offended?

Fuck You then!



*This award was previously owned by Proton Satria & Honda Civic Ferio drivers*

The Who - Behind Blue Eyes

No one knows what it's like

To be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes



No one knows what it's like

To be hated

To be fated

To telling only lies



But my dreams

They aren't as empty

As my conscience seems to be



I have hours, only lonely

My love is vengeance

That's never free



No one knows what it's like

To feel these feelings

Like I do

And I blame you



No one bites back as hard

On their anger

None of my pain and woe

Can show through



But my dreams

They aren't as empty

As my conscience seems to be



I have hours, only lonely

My love is vengeance

That's never free



When my fist clenches, crack it open

Before I use it and lose my cool

When I smile, tell me some bad news

Before I laugh and act like a fool



If I swallow anything evil

Put your finger down my throat

If I shiver, please give me a blanket

Keep me warm, let me wear your coat



No one knows what it's like

To be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes

Bits and pieces that kept me moving

"Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel was just a freight train coming your way"

"He didn't even say goodbye, didn't take the time to lie, Bang! Bang!"

"I swear I saw the devil in my empty glass of Hennessy"

"God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes, Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose"

"It's hard to carry on when no one loves you"

"I wonder if they will laugh when I'm dead"

"I've come so far I'm behind again,

I wish so hard I'm there again,

I've seen so much I'm blind again,

I feel so bad I'm alive again,

All that I wanted, were things I had before,

All that I needed, I never needed more,

All of my questions were answers to my sins,

All of my ending, waiting to begin"

"I like studying faces in parking lots coz it doesn't remind me of anything"

"Close your eyes in the world that you see, Open wide in the world of your dreams, There's nothing left for you to believe"

"Soy un perdedor, I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?"

"No sun will shine in my day today, the high yellow moon won't come out to play"

"I'm wasting my time, I've got nothing to do, I'm hangin around I'm waiting for you but nothing ever happens... and I wonder"

"I find it kinda funny, find it kinda sad... The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had"

"Wake me up before I change again, Remind me the story that I wont get insane"

"You make believe that nothing is wrong until you're crying, You make believe that life is too long until you're dying" -

"I'm worst at what I do best"

"If not for your misfortunes, I'll be a heavenly person today"

"Who controls the past now controls the future, Who controls the present now controls the past"

"We're all living in America...Coca Cola, Wonderbra"

"Another head aches, another heart breaks... I'm so much older than I can take"

"Wanna get near her, close enough to smell her,

close enough to tell her all the things that I wanna say,

Then I looked her in the eye and made her run away..."