FAT is the word

So how does it feel to be fat?

I am bloody sure none of you out there would want to answer that question... Why? You will find out in a couple of minutes... Now go on reading...

It all began back in 1995, when I was 9 years old... when I came to realize the pleasure of eating and sleeping after school. Before that, life was all good as running around was not an issue at all. I could run just as fast as other kids, climb trees, jump into drains and climb back up in no time and continue running again.

However... I was putting on around 10kgs a year... growing from a normal kid who nobody noticed into the kid who was called "giant" by the time I was 11 years old. Life was still okay at this time, as my friends were all, well... 11 years old and nobody said anything nasty as they were just genuine kids who were around me for who I was. The adults saw me as "budak sihat, comel, montel, bulat, eee geram, nak cubit, gemok gedempol tendang masuk gol". Being a kid... I didn't see shit coming.

By the time I was 12, running was not in the picture anymore... leave aside climbing trees. The only sports event teachers wanted me to take part in was "Sukaneka" (You know, walking while holding a spoon in your mouth with a ping pong ball on it). Eventually I was hunted down for Tarik Tali.

To be honest, it didn't bother me at all until I noticed one thing: People loved to remind me that I am fat whenever I made a mistake. And...and they somehow made it (they still do it) sound like the reason for me to make mistakes was because I was fat!

For instance:

I miss the school bus one day... My uncle goes "Yea la, take 20 minutes to move from here to the bus stop means how not to miss the bus? "HAHAHAHAHA", the whole family laughed

I screw up my exams... My dad goes "How to do well? Are you doing your homework? *before I could answer*, "Noooooo... I know! All you care about is what to eat at home when you get back! Nah *dush!*"

I answer my aunt who asked me what my ambition was... and she went "Oh! Can ah? All you know is how to eat what!? Not bad not bad... Hahahahaha, everyone laughed...

The above was just part of growing up...

Among the names that people have called me include "Thadiya", "Gunda", "Bob", "Giant", "Overweight", "Guns", "Gemuk","Buncit","Boroi", "10 tonne lori", "Bas Kilang","Bulldozer", "Bagur","Thombu (Oil Drum)","Defender","Chubby","Jiggly Tits", "Elephant Power", "Yerume Maadu", "Panni" and many many more...

I became the benchmark for the most fucked up of things... For instance? Among the things I hear every now and then...

"Aiyo macha... I saw a girl... as big as Gokul dei!"

"Fucker... that fella ate more than you!"

"Eh, if you can fit in, of course I can"

People think twice to sit next to me in the KTM, in the cinema, and many places with limited space... People laugh extra loud when I fall down... People laugh and go "Are you serious?" when I tell them that I was actually playing hockey for my school...

And trust me... these are only the few things that popped up my mind for now. Obviously, it is myself whom I blame for being obese. Why can't I be fat? I just love to eat... Its my fucking mouth, my fucking money, my fucking stomache... So what If I'm gonna die early? Who the fuck are y'all to decide how an ideal human being should look like? At least us fat ones have got the balls to be ourselves... yup... the fatsos!

Remember... ask yourselves this question the next time you are amused or shocked by the existence of an extremely obese person near you...

"So what if he/she is fat?"
"Is he eating my food?"
"Is he eating from my money?"

You laugh more when a fat lady falls down, you stare cock at a fat man who sits in front of you in the train, you make jokes about fat people, you call fat people "pigs", you think you are better just because you are smaller... why? Y'all have no idea how it feels to be slapped by an obese person do you?

AND IN THE MIDDLE OF AAAAAALLLL THIS. . .

There's this bunch of people... about 50,60 kilos... whining about how they look fat, how they can't fit in their jeans anymore, how their nose looks round, how they feel fat, uuh aah... I'm fat I'm fat I'm fat... I put on 2 kilos, My red bikini doesn't fit me anymore. OMG OMG OMG...

*Bangs head on keyboard*


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Pondans and Newspapers

Are you someone who can't live without reading the newspaper?

Lol... Read this, you'll stop wasting a dollar everyday


A local newspaper reports:

"Transvestite may face action if he returns" (edited by Swami Ji)

A Malaysian transsexual, who married a 30-year-old man in Britain, MAY face action when he comes back IF he has been found to have violated immigration laws.

Some Malaysian Immigration Department big-shot said they could not take action against the pondan as long as he remained in Britain but would investigate the case if he was deported home.

However, he declined to speculate if an offence had actually been committed... (???)

Britain’s Immigration big-shot was reported as saying that the pondan had entered Britain as a visitor and the rules clearly stated that a visitor must leave the UK within six months but may reapply for a new visa from their country of origin. (The only paragraph that made sense in the whole story... and it was exctracted from a newspaper in London... lol)

The Malaysian immigration big-shot, however, said that the department could only act if there was a violation of Immigration laws and anything other than that was out of its jurisdiction. (cantek)

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Has he returned? Nope

Has he violated any Malaysian Immigration laws? No Idea

When can we know if he has violated Malaysian Immigration laws? When he comes back

Is he coming back? No Idea

So when is the right time for the Malaysian Immigration to say something?? When he comes back

But why are they barking now? Journalists ask

Case Closed :)

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Chill... Its not over yet... There are other follow-up stories and articles in other publications as well!

These are what I saw so far... and what I feel...

A story on how the pondan is worried about his safety after getting negative reaction from Malaysians over his marriage.

(Err... yea whatever)

A story on the pondan's family pleading him to come home, how much they love him and how they have forgiven him.

(*Banging head on keyboard* jkfhsdjfhsfjsdjfh)

An article on how the pondan has the right to be happy, how she is facing a rough patch as she is facing deportation back to Malaysia...

(OH! So now its a SHE! Aawwwww... *This was a lifestyle story by the way* lol)

A story on how pondans are whining about the heavy load of paperwork involved in changing their gender.

(Is there ANY Malaysian government related procedure that requires filling up only 1,2 sheets of paper?)

A story on an MP in Kulim saying that our pondan should not fear coming back home

(Masuuuuuuuk!!! :P)

An article explaining that the pondan will only face action under the Syariah law should he return and re-register his marriage here

( Kadavule. . .)

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The million dollar question:

What in the blue fucking hell is happening to newspapers????

The million dollar answer:

They've been hiring :P

Jimi Hendrix is dead? Fuck You

Show me another artist in the current era who can do this if you want me to stop glorifying Jimi...

:)

Greatest Quotes by Bob Marley

"Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality . Wake Up and Live!"

"The good times of today, are the sad thoughts of tomorrow"

"Bob Marley isn't my name. I don't even know my name yet"

"I don't stand for the black man's side, I don' t stand for the white man's side.I stand for God's side."

"Me only have one ambition, y'know. I only have one thing I really like to see happen. I like to see mankind live together - black, white, Chinese, everyone - that's all."

"Don´t forget your history nor your destiny."

"Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen."

"Just can't live that negative way...make way for the positive day."

"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain."

"When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself"

"Life and Jah are one in the same. Jah is the gift of existence. I am in some way eternal, I will never be duplicated."

"I have got a running stream of love you see. So no matter what stages.. they put us through, we'll never be blue."

"My music fights against the system that teaches to live and die."

"Rastafari not a culture, it's a reality. "

"Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction."

"I'm a man of God and me come to do God's work."

"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold... "

"Most people think Great God will come from the sky."

"If I was educated, I`d be a damn fool."

"I want to say 'I shot the police' but the government would have made a fuss so I said 'I shot the sheriff' instead... but it's the same idea: justice."

"Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life."

"The biggest man you ever did see was once a baby"

"If you get down and quarrel everyday, you’re saying prayers to the devil, I say."

"Is the foolish dog, bark at the flying bird."

"The more people smoke herb, the more Babylon fall. "

" Your worst enemy could be your best friend, and your best friend your worst enemy."

"Me never believe in marriage that much...marriage is a trap to control me; woman is a coward. Man strong "

"How much do you smoke? Plenty "

"Reggae is a music that has plenty fight. But only the music should fight, not the people. "

"Yuh see, I personally know my heart can be hard as a stone, and yet soft as water"

"Herb is the unifier of the people. "

"And me, I know that there is a god. Cause I know who god is. "

"Sayin' lets get together and feel alright! "



One Love... Jah Rastafari

I Surrender

ASATHOMA SATH GAMAYA
THAMASOMA JYOTHIR GAMAYA
MRUTHYORMA AMRUTHAM GAMAYA
OHM SANTHI SANTHI SANTHI

Dear God, I hereby humbly, with deepest regrets, surrender to you... As I, shadowed by my ego, chose to believe that, with the power of intellect and wisdom, can discover the path towards the light. Despite not being evil, envious, stingy, selfish, I AM still lost...

Therefore, Here I am, out of tears...kneeling... at Your feet...

Take me... show me the path...

From Untruth to Truth
From Darkness to Light
From Death to Immortality
As I am not asking for anything more than to be blessed with nothing but Peace, Peace, Peace...

What the hell is wrong with the Bintang?

OK... Just like millions and millions of Malaysians out there, I depend on the Bintang daily to know what's happening in the country and also the world, as I feel that they are way better compared to other dailies around.

News articles were informative, straight to the point, had credibility, and the news were actually relevant; the kind of news you and me would give a fuck about.

However, I don't know what the fuck went wrong along the way... the amount of crappy news is slowly, but surely increasing. Not like there are no issues or relevant events to be covered. At least blow up some pictures and fill up the pages la... that seems to be the secret of success for many world class tabloids out there now.

Why am I saying that they're getting crappier?

These are some of the mindblowing stories that appeared in the duration of four days:

Bintang says:

"Kidnapped businessman 'Bangsar Shan' who happens to be an extortionist himself, is believed to be dead".

Swami-Ji says:

Who the fuck is Bangsar Shan? and Who the fuck cares?

Bintang says:

"Tug-of-love son not coming back for Raya"

"X's" hopes of seeing her six-year-old son, who was whisked away by his father six months ago, during Hari Raya were dashed when her husband expressed that there was “no way” he would return him.The 34-year-old teacher said she was very upset that computer programmer "Y", was adamant on not bringing back "Z" to Malaysia even when told he had defied a court order.

Swami Ji says:

Do I look like I give a shit? I have my own family to worry about la...

Bintang says:

"A KINDERGARTEN teacher who took her feverish pet squirrel to the veterinary clinic had her breasts allegedly groped by the veterinarian instead, reported another world class press. According to the world class daily, the veterinarian had asked the 27-year old woman to place the squirrel inside her blouse to keep it warm given its “erratic body temperature”.

The veterinarian, the report said, saw the woman’s breasts while helping her remove the squirrel and started praising her figure. He then allegedly told the victim to take care of her body and “beautiful breasts”.

The squirrel died shortly after returning home.

Swami Ji says:

VERY FUCKING IMPORTANT LA NOW



-ends-

Children oh Children

As usual, I was in Facebook, saw few photo updates of few people in my list... and of course some pathetic status updates. Among the photos I saw were pictures of graduation ceremonies, outing with boyfriend, vacation, clubbing outings, and basically what has been happening in their lives... which diverted my thoughts towards few people whom I know ... and their lives... which led to a 'compare and contrast' with my own life... which led to this...

I have many friends...who can be divided into two groups. The first group consists of friends whose lives are basically outlined, drafted and managed by the parents(filthy rich of course) since day 1. They were born, they grew up, went to kindergarten, primary school, high school and entered college. By the time these friends of mine went to high school their parents already mindfucked them saying that "you're becoming a doctor"/"you're becoming a lawyer"/"Be an engineer or kill yourself"... Poor kids, what could they do? They grew up with the thought that they are becoming a lawyer/doctor PROGRAMMED in their heads.

So they finished high school, did whatever the parents wanted them to do, did their pre-U and went abroad, finished their studies and came back. Some are still doing their final few semesters abroad. Some of them are in a steady relationship. Their parents know about them. Some already started taking over their parents' businesses. Some are waiting to come back from abroad and take charge.

Part of me can't help it but to be envious of these people. They've got their paths well constructed in front of them. All they have to do is just pop-out and walk till the end. Everything has been pre-planned for them. What worries do they have? what worries did they have? the only thing they had to do was do well in their education. Some even fucked that up. What happened? parents shouted for few days, pumped in some money and rescued these pampered asses.

After few years, all these doctors and engineers and lawyers are going to come back, and probably take over their parents' businesses or most likely open up their own firms, LEECH on their parents' contacts, establish a good social and business network, come up and let themselves be known, and continue making more money.

The second group consists of friends who just took whatever they wanted. They were born, they grew up, they went to kindergarden and THATS IT!

"Daddy I want those shoes!"
"Here you go, my beloved child"
"Daddy I want the remote control car"
"Here son... have fun... I love you and I want you to be happy in life... I never had all these"
"Daddy I want the Guess Bag"
"Here darlin, the bag you asked"
"Daddy I only wanna go to College X and do Psychology!"
"No problems honey... can be done"
"I only wanna study in Australia... nowhere else!"
"Ok...Ok... dont worry... I will send you son..."
"Dad I wanna go clubbing, gimme RM500"
"Here you go sayang, have a great time... take care of yourself"
"Daddy I have a boyfriend..."
"As long as you're happy dear"
"Daddy I'm pregnant"
"Don't worry... we can solve this problem"
"Daddy I want a car"
"Here's a VIOS, son... enjoy"
"Dad I was drunk, I crashed the car"
"No worries son, I'll get you an Altis"
"I need to live nearer to office pa"
"Here's a house son... I hope you like it"
"Pa this is Nina, she is nice to me... she can't cook, she is an egocentric bitch, she's not gonna be worth a single cent, she's not gonna be nice to y'all, but fuck it, I am getting married...

nope... the parents' say doesn't matter after this in life...

after 20 years...

"Your mom's not feeling very well... I'm also sick you see... Do you think you can cancel your trip to Melbourne and stay with her here... we need someone to take care of her... er... what say you?"

We shall wait and see whether you para pundes will be worth ALL THE MONEY THEY THREW all the while ;) NOPE, getting an Indonesian maid doesn't count...

Talked too much cock didn't I? :P

Fuck y'all... I just saved 500 bucks from my pay and gave it to my mother...