FWD: Lesser Known Laws‏

Its not like I must ONLY write what pops up in my head right?

Fuck that... I received an interesting email yesterday... which is worth sharing...

So, here it is... The Lesser known laws of life... Enjoy :)


LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


- Over & Out -

Remembering The Holocaust

Just thought I'd share this interesting comic strip with y'all...


[CLICK ON IMAGE TO GET BETTER VIEW]





The current generation is too ignorant to be moved by this...

The next generation will be too stupid to understand this...

Don't you agree?

:)

Today's World Described Perfectly

Angels on the sideline,
Puzzled and amused.
Why did Father give these humans free will?
Now they're all confused.

Don't these talking monkeys know that
Eden has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys,
Where there's one you're bound to divide it.
Right in two.

Angels on the sideline,
Baffled and confused.
Father blessed them all with reason.
And this is what they choose.
And this is what they choose...

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They forge a blade,
And where there's one
they're bound to divide it,
Right in two.
Right in two.

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey.
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs.
They make a club.
And beat their brother, down.
How they survive so misguided is a mystery.

Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven conscious of his fleeting time here.

Cut it all right in two

Fight over the clouds, over wind, over sky
Fight over life, over blood, over prayer,
overhead and light
Fight over love, over sun,
over another, Fight...

Angels on the sideline again.
Benched along with patience and reason.
Angels on the sideline again
Wondering when this tug of war will end.

Cut it all right in two


Right in two...

With the Birds I Share This Lonely View...

Do you believe in the devil?
I don't know about you but I do...

Have you seen the devil?
I don't know about you but I have...

Have you heard the devil speak?
I don't know about you but I have...

Have you seen the Devil at work?
I don't know about you but I have...

Even the faithful ones who're living in denial are walking with the devil everyday without realizing...

It has come to an extend where us absent minded fools cannot live a normal life without the presence of the devil...

You will go ape shit if you don't have the devil around you for one day...

The devil is in your pocket, around your arms, on your left, on your right, above you, below you, outside your house, in your room, everywhere and anywhere you can possibly think of... Fuck it, you're even looking at him right now...

Bloody brilliantly disguised as S.C.I.E.N.C.E...as T.E.C.H.N.O.L.O.G.Y...

The day the devil's anchor landed on earth was the day Science ran out of things to research and chose to question the existence of God...

The day the devil took charge was the day this thing called MEDIA came into play... with the radio, television, newspapers, computer, and the internet making us shallow minded fools his slaves... We believe everything we see... we believe everything we hear... we willingly let our pathetic minds get trapped in this evil box that claims to entertain us with nothing but utter bullshit... We depend on these plastic gadgets to live our daily lives...

Our iPhones, our laptops, our televisions, our Facebook, our Twitter updates, and a whole lot of different versions of manipulating, deceiving pile of monkey crap... Do we really need all these to live a normal life?

We find joy in seeing another man suffer... we pay to see another man suffer... One man's tragedy is comedy to another...

Children don't run around in gardens no more... They don't have friends no more...

All we see on the road while driving is pure hatred and selfishness...

We fuck in the name of love...

We abuse another human being who does all our dirty work...

We throw infants in drains and dustbins...

We rape, we kill, we steal...

We don't even twitch a muscle when we read a newspaper article about an earthquake that killed thousands of people somewhere else in the world...

And yet, we walk around with our heads held up high... thinking that we're moving forward...

You might label this as a whole load of poop, but face it...

It has come to an end...

This HAS TO come to an end...

Evil is dwelling within each and every one of us every single second...

Gone are the days when man lived life by the lines of religious transcripts that were supposed to be guidelines...

Gone are the days when man feared the abstract supreme force above him...

Man has learnt to question, to challenge, to manipulate, to deceive...

We don't believe in sharing no more...

We don't believe in caring no more...

We are not bothered to put ourselves in nobody's shoes no more...

What significance does our existence make?

Think about it...

My Musical Journey

I grew up just like any other kid out there, watching cartoons and Tamil movies, listening to Tamil songs, Lambada, Boney M, and a few other "disco kaki" hits. As time went on, I got exposed to more popular music from artists like Madonna, Duran Duran, Michael Jackson, Abba, and so many more... Thanks to my parents' cassette collection.

As time passed by, I grew up... entered primary school, and got exposed to urm...This is embarassing...er...How shall I put it...urm...aah Fuck it, Yes, I was into boy bands! Backstreet Boys were the shyt, AJ was the manliest of them all, N'Sync were too cool to be true, 911 were totally awesome okay!?

To make things worse, I kinda liked spice girls too...urm... well, look at the bright side... At least I was heading the right direction! I was attracted to boobies as early as 11...

In the midst of all of this pop bullshit... I was also devoted to Tamil songs (movie soundtracks), until this Malaysian Tamil Rock band called "The Keys", popped out of nowhere in 1994 with their debut album "Akkamage" and started a whole new movement... called "Samba Rock". Key criteria of this genre? - Catchy beat, catchy lyrics that dont make sense, shit loads of guitar riffs, and a whole lot of HEADBANGING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Believe it or not, no other local Tamil album has seen as much fame or got as much respect as The Keys after Alleycats... Big Up for that!



So, yea... this was heavier than anything that I've heard, and I loved em to bits... On the English side, I was still listening to mainstream pop bullshit compilation albums like "NOW 3", "MAX 2", "Mega Hits Vol. 2,542". All they had in these albums were collections of gay-ass songs like "As long as you love me" by Backstreet Boys, "I swear" by this bunch of faggot-y niggas called All For One, "All that she wants" by Ace for Base, "Coco Jumbo" by god knows who... and everything that falls within the same time zone.

I knew for a fact that I was losing interest in pop but there was nothing else to layan! All I had was RTM, TV3, Radio Musik, Radio 4, and few "The Keys" albums. I didn't even know what "AN" Internet was :P So, yea... due to lack of exposure, I had no choice but to stick to pop, until I grew a little bigger...

I was 12 years old...It was just another Sunday afternoon, me in front of the TV, after Kelab Disney Malaysia, after Berita Terkini... waiting for the next show... when TV3 decided to play a "cycle-gap" video... which in a way, changed my life



It was the coolest song I've heard in my life!!!! and it felt... so different... It was love at first sight!!!!!!!!

So the following Sunday, After few days of buttering my dad for 20 bucks...I took the bus and went to Jusco Bukit Raja Klang all by myself to hunt down the MI2 Soundtrack... and Fuck Yeah I found it! Came back as fast as I could... took my Walkman (which was a bigger phenomenon than the iPod by the way), removed the plastic wrapper, put the cassette inside... *click... and a click...* and Voila!~



Believe it or not... Life was never the same again...

For a kid who was once the first child to get whooped by the kindergarten principal, who got a beating of a lifetime for calling a teacher "cibai" at the age of 9, who got bitchslapped by the daddy on a weekly basis for behaving like a total ape... lines such as "Now I know Why you wanna hate me" , " life will kick you in the ass", and "I'm pain, I'm hope, I'm suffer" and all those heavy riffs made me feel so good...Angry music sounded so soothing...So I decided to venture deeper into the heavier side of music, which led to my second trip to Jusco Bukit Raja, ending up with me coming home with another life-changing purchase, "Limp Bizkit's Choclate Starfish & the Hot Dog Flavoured water"... And the first track went,



2 days after the purchase... As I came back after school, daddy throws cassette into dustbin and goes "No more nonsense like this... understood?" Hehe... I just thought "Fuck It", bought a new cassette and hid it :P I mean... come on lah...

And another year passed...I was 13... this time I was walking around Klang Parade... and saw this CD that looked very very interesting...



Title of first song? "People = Shit"... Nyehehehehehehe

And just as expected... Daddy finds the CD cover at the worst time... coz this was during the "Gejala Social terbaru... BLACK METAL!!!!" phase...

Daddy sends CD cover flying to my face... and makes official statement that he has given up...

But it didn't stop my journey into the world of Metal you see...Coz eventually Slipknot became too mellow to my ears... making me wanting heavier shyt as I grew older... And by this time, internet was available already... which made life easier, coz I could just download whatever the fuck I wanted...ranging from mainstream bands like Killswitch Engage, Coal Chamber and Cradle of Filth to heavier stuff like Machine Head,Lamb of God, Morbid Angel and Amon Amarth to legendary metal bands like Metallica, Motorhead and Iron Maiden to darker metal like Rudra, Melechesh, Dark Funeral, Enslaved, Immortal and so many more...

I won't deny that I did take time off from Metal to layan some occasional Rap, Reggae and Trance but then again... they came and went... Only Metal stayed...

"Why Metal?" you may wonder... Simple... I only listen to music that I can relate to... Why the fuck would I like a song just for the sake of liking it? The whole world can go on singing Oasis' "Don't look back in anger"... I can't be bothered... I'll stick to "Voodoo Child"...

I hate the mainstream media, I hate the younger generation, I hate the American way of life, I hate politicians, I hate technology, I hate the television, I hate the way the world is now... Heck, I even hate the way my life is sometimes... so how do I express myself? Lady Gaga? Akon? All American Rejects? Boys like Girls?

As far as I'm concerned... Music is a source of escapism, a way to express yourself... and Metal is the channel for me...

In all, nothing...I mean absolutely nothing can compare to the feeling I get when the hair behind my neck stands, you know... every time after layaning a monstrous riff... Get what I'm saying? ;)





\m/(◕_◕)\m/

FAT is the word

So how does it feel to be fat?

I am bloody sure none of you out there would want to answer that question... Why? You will find out in a couple of minutes... Now go on reading...

It all began back in 1995, when I was 9 years old... when I came to realize the pleasure of eating and sleeping after school. Before that, life was all good as running around was not an issue at all. I could run just as fast as other kids, climb trees, jump into drains and climb back up in no time and continue running again.

However... I was putting on around 10kgs a year... growing from a normal kid who nobody noticed into the kid who was called "giant" by the time I was 11 years old. Life was still okay at this time, as my friends were all, well... 11 years old and nobody said anything nasty as they were just genuine kids who were around me for who I was. The adults saw me as "budak sihat, comel, montel, bulat, eee geram, nak cubit, gemok gedempol tendang masuk gol". Being a kid... I didn't see shit coming.

By the time I was 12, running was not in the picture anymore... leave aside climbing trees. The only sports event teachers wanted me to take part in was "Sukaneka" (You know, walking while holding a spoon in your mouth with a ping pong ball on it). Eventually I was hunted down for Tarik Tali.

To be honest, it didn't bother me at all until I noticed one thing: People loved to remind me that I am fat whenever I made a mistake. And...and they somehow made it (they still do it) sound like the reason for me to make mistakes was because I was fat!

For instance:

I miss the school bus one day... My uncle goes "Yea la, take 20 minutes to move from here to the bus stop means how not to miss the bus? "HAHAHAHAHA", the whole family laughed

I screw up my exams... My dad goes "How to do well? Are you doing your homework? *before I could answer*, "Noooooo... I know! All you care about is what to eat at home when you get back! Nah *dush!*"

I answer my aunt who asked me what my ambition was... and she went "Oh! Can ah? All you know is how to eat what!? Not bad not bad... Hahahahaha, everyone laughed...

The above was just part of growing up...

Among the names that people have called me include "Thadiya", "Gunda", "Bob", "Giant", "Overweight", "Guns", "Gemuk","Buncit","Boroi", "10 tonne lori", "Bas Kilang","Bulldozer", "Bagur","Thombu (Oil Drum)","Defender","Chubby","Jiggly Tits", "Elephant Power", "Yerume Maadu", "Panni" and many many more...

I became the benchmark for the most fucked up of things... For instance? Among the things I hear every now and then...

"Aiyo macha... I saw a girl... as big as Gokul dei!"

"Fucker... that fella ate more than you!"

"Eh, if you can fit in, of course I can"

People think twice to sit next to me in the KTM, in the cinema, and many places with limited space... People laugh extra loud when I fall down... People laugh and go "Are you serious?" when I tell them that I was actually playing hockey for my school...

And trust me... these are only the few things that popped up my mind for now. Obviously, it is myself whom I blame for being obese. Why can't I be fat? I just love to eat... Its my fucking mouth, my fucking money, my fucking stomache... So what If I'm gonna die early? Who the fuck are y'all to decide how an ideal human being should look like? At least us fat ones have got the balls to be ourselves... yup... the fatsos!

Remember... ask yourselves this question the next time you are amused or shocked by the existence of an extremely obese person near you...

"So what if he/she is fat?"
"Is he eating my food?"
"Is he eating from my money?"

You laugh more when a fat lady falls down, you stare cock at a fat man who sits in front of you in the train, you make jokes about fat people, you call fat people "pigs", you think you are better just because you are smaller... why? Y'all have no idea how it feels to be slapped by an obese person do you?

AND IN THE MIDDLE OF AAAAAALLLL THIS. . .

There's this bunch of people... about 50,60 kilos... whining about how they look fat, how they can't fit in their jeans anymore, how their nose looks round, how they feel fat, uuh aah... I'm fat I'm fat I'm fat... I put on 2 kilos, My red bikini doesn't fit me anymore. OMG OMG OMG...

*Bangs head on keyboard*


alksdjalksakgjklrgergfsfjsjkgherjklghejrgnermkvne

Pondans and Newspapers

Are you someone who can't live without reading the newspaper?

Lol... Read this, you'll stop wasting a dollar everyday


A local newspaper reports:

"Transvestite may face action if he returns" (edited by Swami Ji)

A Malaysian transsexual, who married a 30-year-old man in Britain, MAY face action when he comes back IF he has been found to have violated immigration laws.

Some Malaysian Immigration Department big-shot said they could not take action against the pondan as long as he remained in Britain but would investigate the case if he was deported home.

However, he declined to speculate if an offence had actually been committed... (???)

Britain’s Immigration big-shot was reported as saying that the pondan had entered Britain as a visitor and the rules clearly stated that a visitor must leave the UK within six months but may reapply for a new visa from their country of origin. (The only paragraph that made sense in the whole story... and it was exctracted from a newspaper in London... lol)

The Malaysian immigration big-shot, however, said that the department could only act if there was a violation of Immigration laws and anything other than that was out of its jurisdiction. (cantek)

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Has he returned? Nope

Has he violated any Malaysian Immigration laws? No Idea

When can we know if he has violated Malaysian Immigration laws? When he comes back

Is he coming back? No Idea

So when is the right time for the Malaysian Immigration to say something?? When he comes back

But why are they barking now? Journalists ask

Case Closed :)

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Chill... Its not over yet... There are other follow-up stories and articles in other publications as well!

These are what I saw so far... and what I feel...

A story on how the pondan is worried about his safety after getting negative reaction from Malaysians over his marriage.

(Err... yea whatever)

A story on the pondan's family pleading him to come home, how much they love him and how they have forgiven him.

(*Banging head on keyboard* jkfhsdjfhsfjsdjfh)

An article on how the pondan has the right to be happy, how she is facing a rough patch as she is facing deportation back to Malaysia...

(OH! So now its a SHE! Aawwwww... *This was a lifestyle story by the way* lol)

A story on how pondans are whining about the heavy load of paperwork involved in changing their gender.

(Is there ANY Malaysian government related procedure that requires filling up only 1,2 sheets of paper?)

A story on an MP in Kulim saying that our pondan should not fear coming back home

(Masuuuuuuuk!!! :P)

An article explaining that the pondan will only face action under the Syariah law should he return and re-register his marriage here

( Kadavule. . .)

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The million dollar question:

What in the blue fucking hell is happening to newspapers????

The million dollar answer:

They've been hiring :P